My Husband, the Lawn Mower

Last night Jeff uncovered the following treasure ... an essay from his Junior year of high school. I laughed until I cried. I hope you will enjoy this too, it is worth the read. I've italicized my favorite lines.

Jeff Smith, 9-1-88, 300 Honors, period 5
Power Lawn Mowers
Have you ever compared yourself to a power lawn mower? When asked this question an abundance of people would probably give the inquirer a quizzical look and walk away. However, if one sat down and thought about, there are a surfeit of similarities. A power lawn mower is like me.

For half a dozen years I have looked at a lawn mower's physical condition and have compared it to myself. While new and young both the mower and I appear to be large, strong, and durable. After the youth has worn off, though, and if I do not keep myself physically fit and if the lawn mower is not properly maintained, the two of us will become old, beat-up, and virtually useless. Whenever a lawn mower has to be taken into a shop to be repaired it, compares to when I become competely ill and have to visit the doctor. My teeth are similar to that of the mower's shiny steel blade because they both periodically need to be sharpened and cleaned. The wheels on a lawn mower compare with my two well-used legs. Both need to be in excellent condition and rather durable to travel long distances. Without a doubt, my physical status is commensurable to a lawn mower.

A power lawn mower's engine and other interior features parallel those of the systems under my skin. Gasoline is essential for a gasoline power lawn mower to work, as food is necessary for me to function. In the morning when I take my vitamins, it helps to make my life last longer. When oil is put into the engine properly, it makes the engine work for a longer period of time. On the back of the mower the grass catcher is a match for my bladder. Inside the canvas grass catcher messy grass clippings collect while wasted food gathers in my bladder. Lack of sleep causes me to be slow and sluggish, and to not perform up to my capabilities. Wet, slimy grass slows down a lawn mower drastically and lower its efficiency. The cumulation of the things that make a mower's engine work right balance out with the parts that make my body work right.

When I think about it, a power lawn mower is similar to me. Both need the right amount of fuel to function correctly. Properly taking care of my body and the upkeep of a lawn mower are comparable. Peering at it closely, I find that I am identical to a power lawn mower.